Willkomen! Bienvenue! Welcome!
Why not kick it off with a stagey, musical theatre hint aye?
welcome to my “Blog”
( I am by no means a blogger so please don’t expect this “blog” to be bloggy. It will most likely be fairly scatty so please.. bare with)
I’m Hayey-Jo. 24. Singer, Actor, Dancer. Born and raised in Dublin, Ireland.
What’s all this about??
This my friend, is about a performer (me), and her journey on making the move back to london.
No frills or sequin about it. Just god honest truth and realness.
I had a number of reservations about writing this, and indeed sharing it with any of you. Why? I was terrified of what people would think of me. Petrified of what people would say. But this ended up being the very thing driving me to create this blog.
I’m going to talk about something nobody wants to talk about. I’m coming clean, putting my hands up and telling everybody that I am one of the MANY performers who suffers the crippling demon of anxiety. It is something that could destroy/has destroyed numerous careers…. if you let it.
It is something that needs to be addressed. I felt so alone, like I was failing myself.. along with my passion and first love. I felt like I was failing as a performer, because I was letting anxiety win, and to me, at the time, I was the only one.
“I’ll never be good enough to get a show on the West End”
“They’re all taking about me because I moved home”
“I’m not good enough to go to auditions in London”
The list grew longer and more ridiculous and extreme. To the point where I couldn't bare the thought of walking into an audition room. I couldn’t bare to face anything.
“I’ll never make it in show business”……. “I’m ugly”…. “I’m fat”
“I hate myself”
18 months ago I hit breaking point. Rock bottom.
I wasn’t me anymore. Anxiety became me. I broke. It affected my relationship with my family, my friends and everyone around me.
I fell apart in front of my Mam one day, and I spilled my heart out to her. she became my guardian angel. My Mam and my close family and friends supported me the whole way. ( You were my rock, you know who you are)
My Mam Introduced me to mindfulness, which changed my life.
Now… A year and a half on from my “rock bottom”, I am ready to take on the world.
I would love to say that I am cured. There is no cure. Anxiety amongst creatives is rampant and is spinning out of control. As creatives, everything we feel, no matter what emotion it may be, we feel it deeply and ferociously. And that is beautiful. Unfortunately it is both a blessing and a curse.
I’ve learned to control it. To rationalise and manage it. But not until I hit breaking point. It cannot be that for all of us. It should never reach that point.
WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT.
Which is why I am starting this “blog”, to show you that you CAN talk about it. Just like you talk about what you watch on Netflix. As simple as that. (I know… easier said than done).
I feel I have over come such a major obstacle in my life. I have come on heaps, leaps and bounds.
So much so, that after 2 years of being home, I am making the big move back to London in the new year, and I want you to join me on my journey. I won’t hold back. Every wobbly moment, every bad audition, every good audition, every high, every low, every laugh and every struggle.
I want to help the performer that is feeling now, how I felt a year ago. The creative that has lost their self confidence and self belief. You are not alone.
We have chosen a difficult path… but boy is it a fabulous one.
Let’s learn to embrace this, intoxicatingly romantic, exhilaratingly crazy business we call show.
stay tuned for some more realness.
Love always,
HayJ xo
P.S. Never Change.
