To anyone who has read my blog before, we meet again… To any new comers reading in, god help you.
I jest… :) Read it with a sprinkle of salt. Take from it what you wish.
I took some time away from this blog. Self doubt crept in… maybe I was embarrassed about it.. I felt very vulnerable, letting people in and speaking so openly. By doing something like this, you are opening yourself up to a lot of criticism. Just like performing or sharing any kind of creative work. You become “public property” in a sense.
I also didn’t do it for sympathy, or for attention. In the first ever post, I said I wanted this to be about spreading awareness, and reaching out to people who have been dealing with similar battles. We’re not alone… there are billions of us.
And actually, since starting this blog, which was extremely daunting (still is), countless household names have spoken out on anxiety and depression. It has been a momentous time for mental health sufferers.
Side note; To the people making comments about it turning into a “trend” on social media…. you are not welcome here. Move along.
The past 8 months have been extremely testing for me. Moving back to London in January was tough. January of all months… it was freezing.. it was dark.. there wasn’t much going on to be honest. I had numerous wobbly moments.
My main issue was, I could not get an agent.
Email after email, letter after letter.. I either got no reply.. or straight up rejected.
At one point, I called my Mam with this idea, that I would wait outside a certain agents office until a delivery worker came along, and I could offer to sign for a parcel, and head up to the office pretending to be a delivery girl, and then break into ‘Broadway Baby’ upon reaching their desk.
My Mam actually thought that was a fantastic idea - (Thank you Mam, for always being supportive no matter how nuts I get).
I finally received a reply from an agent - who I had emailed 4 times already- and it was a rejection email… They caught me on a really bad day. So I typed out a reply, which ended with
“Thank you for taking the time to reply to my email. Since your books are BEYOND full, you must be BEYOND busy. Have a great weekend.
Kind regards,
Your biggest regret.”
……… I didn’t send it. By god I really wish I had!
I was so fed up. So you know what I did?
I gave up.
I called home, and said I had booked my one way flight. I found someone to fill my room. I packed my bags. And I got on that flight.
I gave up.
Before I continue… there is a saying that goes something like this - The minute you feel like giving up, don’t, because that is the very moment something great is about to happen.
Always keep that in mind. At that time, that saying did not enter my head.
I stepped off the Ryanair flight in Dublin… turned my phone on.. checked my emails and there it was.
A meeting with an agent.
Back on a plane the following week and into that meeting.
I can happily say that I am now a signed woman, and back in the hustle of London.
That was apparently the easy part. Splendid.
It took me 3 years after leaving college to sign with an agent. Be patient… the minute you feel like giving up (or in my case, actually give up).. get back on that train! Maybe not a train. Trains make me anxious. Get back on the horse, or whatever your preferred metaphor is.
Because something great is about to happen.
That was one of many hurdles for me. I’m still battling with anxiety and have to work hard to control it. A lot of us are. I am so lucky to have people, like my Mam, around me to speak to and to help me laugh at myself. (For those who don't know, that's me and my Mam in the photo - we still belly laugh together 24/7).
Don’t underestimate how hard it is to ‘life’ sometimes.
It’s hard! It is also hard to think strongly and to keep pushing on, when the system is constantly telling us to fail.
Beat the system.
This was a lengthy one. I will be taking you on a rollercoaster ride with my future posts.
There’s a lot to take in so buckle up!
Let’s ‘Life’ together.
Ah… it’s good to be back :)
Love, Hails x
