So I haven’t written anything in a few weeks. To be honest, I was so overwhelmed by the reception of the first three blog posts, I put pressure on myself and my writing. I totally understand what writers block is now. Every time I sat down and attempted writing something, naughty little voices would weasle their way in to my head telling me that it wasn't good enough, the first few posts were far better, no one will enjoy reading that etc etc....
I enjoy writing very much, and I guess I've never written for anyone else but myself. So when all of a sudden I decided to allow the world in to my mind and my words, it brought with it a lot of worries and paranoia. I had to remind myself why I started this in the first place. It wasn’t for recognition or acknowledgement or for any kind of reward. It was to provide advice, help, guidance, spread awareness, make some kind of change maybe... or just give to you some light bedtime reading... I guess I’m not all that sure. Like I said in my first post.. I’m just writing about what I know. I suppose I got a little hung up on the ‘I have to make it entertaining’ thing. I mean, after all, that is our job. To entertain. But this blog is not about to become something of exaggerated stories or false narratives for the soul purpose of entertainment. Only honest, straight up realness allowed in here folks!!
Apart from the ol’ “writer’s block” drama, my brain itself has been a hamster sprinting on it’s wheel the past while. The deal is done, deposit paid, keys cut. I’ve only gone and got myself a room in Landan. So... no turning back. It’s happening. I is doing the thing. Now, I don’t actually move properly until November, but I’ve been to see the house, and it is a little dream. With lovely, lovely housemates. I was ridiculously nervous meeting them. Whenever I meet anyone for the first time I immediately think, “They hate me” “They think I’m weird” “They think I’m boring”
“I’m boring”....
See that last one? What I did there? I turned it in to a fact. Thoughts become facts. Don’t believe those thoughts because if you believe in them, they become real to you! Like Peter Pan.. Never say “I don’t believe In fairies”, for each time you speak those words, a fairy dies. I do believe in fairies, I do, I do.. (just had to save that fairy I almost killed). If you believe it, it becomes real to you. So instead of me thinking that my new housemates are going to think I’m boring or they’re not going to like me, I changed my thoughts to THEY’RE GOING TO LOVE ME”..... Well not quite that. But I changed it to a positive thought. Any of you who have read/watched the secret by Rhonda Byrne will get where I’m coming from.
Silly silly thing to think negative thoughts. I constantly need to remind myself to put those positive thoughts in to practice, particularly towards my move to London. All I’m thinking about are all the bad things that could happen, like, not getting a job, or not having enough money etc. Some mornings I wake up, and all of these thoughts run through my mind, crippling me with doubt, and suddenly I’m backing out of the whole thing and giving up before I begin. Then the next day I wake up and I am rearing to go, nothing can stop me. Get me on that plane. There needs to be more of those days.. everyday must be one of those days! Self doubt is treacherous. If we give more strength and power to the positive thoughts, imagine the difference it would make to our lives! Our mental state! Our souls!!! We all need to believe in ourselves a little more. And each other. We’re all little Neverland fairies who need to be believed in by ourselves and others. I believe in me, my journey, my goals. I believe in you. God dammit I believe in every last one of you fairy winged hoomans.
I’d like to end todays post with that.
Hope all you fairies enjoy your Sunday night. Anyone needs me, I'll be curled up on the couch watching Blind date. :)
I do believe in you.. I do xx